2. Five-year-olds' wrestling matches trump tee ball in terms of hilarity. Nothing will ever be more adorable and comical than 400 skinny little chickens and a few husky bruisers in singlets.
3. Taking three children five and under to see Wall-e, even with four adults in attendance, will ensure that you will not see more than five minutes before being interrupted by the lapping toddler who can't decide if Mom or Grandma has the better popcorn.
4. When entertaining outside in summer, wear as much Off or Deet as you can without inducing respiratory distress. If not, you will wake up the next two mornings scratching your ankles and knees until they ooze.
5. Don't start a movie you really want to see at 10:30 pm after having not slept more than three hours the previous night, especially if you want your parents to watch it, as well.
6. When you bring knitting you need to work on quickly, don't forget the pattern at home.
7. Don't buy your nephew his birthday Star Wars Legos before you go swimming as he will have no interest in going in the water when an unopened At-Ap Pod Walker sits in the car. However, buy them after, as having a precocious, blond muffin clasp his hands to his mouth and exclaim, "There are just so many wonderful choices!" when having to decide between four measly sets at Fred Meyer, is better than most anything.
8. Make salad for your parents. They'll be so grateful that you spent the money on the steak and bleu cheese and bacon you're making despite high cholesterol worries that they'll do the clean up dishes afterwards.
9. Don't listen to Patton Oswalt in the car when driving home as you'll most likely crash your car when the hysterical tears blind you. And if you don't crash, your abdomen will be in agony, you'll suck all the oxygen out of the car and you'll do damage to your steering wheel from the pounding.