Things I will never do:

1. Brush a friend's dog and save the downy undercoat (well, I'd never brush any dog as I wouldn't survive to save anything).

2. Spin said downy undercoat into yarn.

3. Dye said yarn using the crushed carcasses of beetles I found in the desert.

4. Knit said bug-dyed dogwool into a kicky little purse for the dog's owner.

Nor would anyone, you say, disbelievingly? Have I got a show for you.