Monday, January 21, 2008

Spigot

I know that dreams provide a drain for the crap that builds up in our psyche so it doesn't back up and pour over the sides of our brains, but why, at 35 years old, am I still having dreams that my parents dislike and are disappointed in me?  I had a terrible, terrible dream this morning that my father, who in real life has always been very loving and supportive, told me that I bore him and that he hates it when I come visit.  I was young and single in this dream, so I was facing this rejection on my own, and I just felt so blasted, especially as my dream-mom just stood at the sink nodding her head agreeing with Dad as he dismissed me.  

I hate waking from these type of dreams and feeling so shattered, especially as my family is so loving, and it feels as though I'm betraying them and their unfailing kindness somehow.  However, I know that every kid is truly convinced that they are the least favorite and that their parents secretly love their brother/sister best, but I thought I'd be safe from such thoughts at my advanced age.  Guess not.

4 comments:

shellswick said...

Well...you are beloved. If it helps, I had a very...naughty dream about James Spader around Christmas...what does that say?

KUrlie said...

In this dream your parents are representing you and your own conscience, sister, not them and what they actually feel/believe. You have to do biz with that nagging voice in your head that says "I've not yet arrived, not yet done enough." You know that voice is actually full of sh*t, now you just have to BELIEVE it's full of sh*t.
Because really, you rock, and I'm NOT full of sh*t.

ible said...

It's probably some other person you were dreaming about, maybe your boss? In your dream he becomes your dad - transference.
I've been there, too.
Mille

Tina Blewett said...

Hey sis, there's a theory that everyone in our dreams is really OURSELVES. So somewhere inside yourself are you disappointed with you? Cause if you are you're NUTZ! You are being overly critical about yourself, STOP IT! You're amazing and wonderful and beautiful and smart and fun and witty and multi-talented and adventurous. Congratulate yourself from time to time about everything you've accomplished and are!