Curdled Cream

I invest way too much of myself personally when I cook. I can't make a pie crust and it makes me feel like a failure as a woman. My sister makes a perfect pie crust, and she doesn't even have a pastry blender. She uses two knives to cut in her butter. I mean, my God, I have a pastry blender, a Cuisinart and a KitchenAid mixer and my pie crusts STILL are terrible-oily and heavy and not flaky AT ALL. My mom can't make a pie crust either. It's very traumatic for the two of us and we have spent many hours discussing our pie crust incompetency. Should we use vinegar? Does cold water really keep the crust together better than warm? It's a bit pathetic.

I usually make a killer custard. I made myself cry with the fabulousness of the coconut custard I made for Christian's birthday cake, which is why I was so devasted yesterday when I ruined the vanilla custard I was making for a raspberry trifle. The little fucker separated and I had to run to the store and buy a dozen more eggs and a whole quart of heavy cream. I can't blame myself too much, though, as I think the cream I used for the first custard had curdled, at least slightly. But then I managed to poorly whip the cream for the top of the trifle and it separated. Why? Are my utensils not clean enough? Should I have not used a metal bowl? Did the alcohol in the vanilla damage the protein in the cream? Was there water in the bowl? WHY OH WHY!!!!

It kept me up all night.