How old am I?

When I was about 20, a doctor told me that I had the health problems of an 80 year old. When I was 29, I had an appointment with the surgeon who removed the ute, and he said that I had the worst hemorrhoids he'd ever seen in someone my age. When I went to the doctor today to have my physical for the adoption home study, it was discovered, during the manual exam, that I apparently now have a stricture of the poop chute variety. I'm hoping that, by getting all of these absurd problems out of the way now, I'll be perfectly healthy as a 90 year old.