Friday, June 15, 2007

The Crazy

While Christian and I are developing a certain reputation for, um, insanity from the ever increasing fauna in our home, the last thing I want is to actually be considered bat-shit crazy. I have a whole passel of nuts in my brain, due to the panic-ishness of my genes, but I started taking medication four years ago to keep the crazy in check, and to keep Christian from coming after me with a kitchen knife after I had finally pushed him to crack with my constant paranoia and hysteria (although, without the uterus, could what I have actually be called hysteria?). However, the crazy started seeping back in about six months ago. At first, I tried to take it in stride and thought that, despite all evidence pointing to the notion that I was becoming resistant to my med dose, I could handle the symptoms. There were, after all, perks to this new state, namely that the bedroom once again became more than a room in which to sleep. Sorry, family who doesn't want to hear that, but it's true. However, the resistance has gotten more pronounced in the past two months or so, and when the meaningless crying and crushing headaches began, I thought it might be time to up the dose. It was only the other night when, at rehearsal, I had a vision of Christian walking in the door holding handfuls of dead birds because I had let something happen to them and throwing them down at my feet in front of all my opera colleagues and screaming at me that he was leaving me, that I fully understood the importance of the appointment I had made with my doctor to discuss treatment options. We're all glad now that the dosages have been upped.

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