However, the porch work construction-wise is finished:
Christian is caulking the tops and bottoms of every rail upright and I'll prime when I get home tonight. We're giving away some of the remnant wood, keeping what's viable and disposing of the rest.
We still need to figure out what kind of trim to put on the stairs, at the base of the siding and around the front, though.
The Spantex turned out to be a great color, the kind of warmish taupey color that will hopefully hide dirt. And no more heels stuck between cheap decking.
I will, eventually, take the tape off that last remaining window, and we will replace the porch ceiling. We WILL. I swear.