Walt Disney World, November 11-18, 2006: Day 5

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The day dawned bright and warm. And muggy, which felt really good on my poor lungs. Seriously, this stupid infection needs to die. Perfect for exposing ourselves to the elements. After a short bus ride to Typhoon Lagoon, and emergency purchases of shades and waterproof sunscreen, it was time to face the lines of other exposed bodies.

C: I likened it to the popular notion of nudist colonies: fantasy vs. reality. You quickly realize that you’re seeing way too much of EVERY kind of body, young and old, thin and thick.

There were some unfortunate bathing suit choices as well. Muffin tops are not a product of pants alone. Every bathing suit bottom on both men and women needed to be about two inches higher. People, your natural waist is not your enemy. I also realized that there is no such thing as a perfect body. How people look in clothes is wildly different than how they look in no clothes. Even the thinnest women looked gaunt and crepey. The only people who look truly good in bathing suits are the young. Women try their entire lives to look just as they did as a 16-year-old, but it really is impossible. And smoking REALLY doesn’t help. Man, a lot of people smoke.

But, the slides and attractions themselves were very fun. C:

We chose not to go on only the “Humunga Cowabunga” which is one of those “get in a tube and drop straight down 3 stories into a tub of water” rides that we tried in Edmonton and were not amused. It’s more of a “Dude, I am so going to impress you” rides. It’s a wedgie factory. Not comfortable. The highlight for me was the wave machine area, where a giant wave gushes at you every few minutes. I can sort of understand the “despite it all, our kids had the best time at the hotel pool” stories. It was a relatively relaxing trip. Then back to the hotel for a nap. Felt good.

I have to admit that I wasn’t in the best mood all day. It was the fourth day crash after having hit the parks for twelve hours a day the previous three days in a row. Also, being in a bathing suit makes me anxious and makes me feel too exposed. However, the park was very pretty and the new “roller coaster” waterslide was a hoot.

After showering and napping, thank God, we wanted to get all of our shopping for ourselves and everyone else done, so we hopped the bus to Downtown Disney for dinner and a huge amount of spending. We ate at the Earl of Sandwich, which was surprisingly good, despite the plethora of cranky hillbilly ladies. Man, in the past two days, we’ve seen more hillbillies than you can shake a stick at.

Now, if you’ve never been to the World of Disney, you’ve missed the biggest tantrum-inducing, consumer temple the brilliant merchandising minds at Disney have ever produced. The good thing about that store, though, is that you can get everything in one place. So, shopping accomplished, we wanted to see a movie as we haven’t seen one in, well, more months than I can remember, so we decided on Borat, and sweet holy God, it was so hilarious and excruciating. I won’t get the image of two grappling naked men out of my head. Gack.

We were so bloody exhausted by the end of the movie that we took the bus back to the resort and fell dead asleep almost immediately. There’s nothing like fresh sheets when you’re really tired.